I've recently been thinking a lot about different relationships in my life. I have been focusing on the girls in my life who may or may not be a good match for me. I have come to a few new conclusions. I do not feel comfortable perusing a young lady I feel intimidated by. Now this may not seem like news to most people, but nevertheless I have pin-pointed this for what I think it is. Realizing this leads me to wonder what I do about someone I feel intimidated by.
The first option is of course to simply not pursue her which sometimes leads to regret (only when I don't have another someone to distract me from the thought of her do I not regret this). I realize that my thoughts of being intimidated are purely my own emotions taking hold of the situation which bothers me. I feel that emotion should not control so much of my life but rather affect it. The next step then is to not feel intimidated. Now one who has lived a life of insecurity and self-doubt would say that's easier said than done. So I have thought of some actual solutions to the problem which I will explain shortly but not without introduction.
There are some people in my life that I would normally feel intimidated by but do not. For instance, I do not feel threatened by my friends' girlfriends. I believe this is because I do not feel pressure to impress her. She doesn't need to be impressed because she doesn't need to like me. She only needs to put up with me (you like that girls? Ha!). This allows me some wiggle room to be myself. Not that I don't want to be myself around everyone, but I don't have to put up walls of social norms around her. I can't have her not liking me though, so I must be at least somewhat of what she likes (unfortunately).
So back to the problem at hand – I must treat every girl as though she is “off limits” so as to be myself around her so much to impress but not to scare away. Now if she does not like the real me, at least I will be able to consciously be aware that she is not into the real me and not have to wonder what could have been.
There is another solutions that some guys do which I don't seem to be a big fan of, but I do realize that it is an option. I will explain what I think the reasons are for guys to be jerks to girls. The first reason for these jerks... It's in their "nature" to be jerks. This isn't a very good argument in my eyes and I don't feel like going into that at the moment. The next reason is one that seems to be at least somewhat valid. This is that women want what they cannot have. If a guy is mean to a girl, apparently he is showing her that he thinks he is too good for her and that makes her want to chase him... Very weird concept but apparently that works with young women because of how stupid they are (don't think i'm too sexist, yes, it definitely "works" both ways). I have also thought of another reason that is similar to the second idea but is slightly different. Now men may think that some women are “too good” for them. So they become jerks to these girls which appears to bring them down. Now I don't think men do this to deliberately bring them down necessarily. Rather to let the man perceive them as lowered down to the man's level so that they feel comfortable enough to try to “get them” or however you want to put it.
Hopefully realizing this will help me out in the pursuit of... well whatever it is that I am pursuing relationship-wise. If anyone else reads this, hopefully it'll help Mr./Miss. anyone else too.
