I am surprisingly weak. I know so much, and there are so many possibilities for me, yet I sit here idle – wasting my life away. Okay, maybe that’s a little harsh, but I need to be harsh with myself because I’m too prideful to listen to anyone beside myself.
I mock other people far too much. I have known this for a long time, but recently I realized why I do it. It’s because I’m so self-conscious. I’m so worried about myself being abnormal or worthless that I have to critique everyone around me so that I feel like others are just as weird or helpless as I am. I bring others down to give me a false sense of “height”. I am surprisingly delusional.
One of the most upsetting parts about this realization is that I recognize that I don’t want to mock others so often but I continue on doing so as if I have no control over myself. I’d like to think that I have will power, but how can I say I do when it doesn’t show? Not only that, but there are countless things that I catch myself doing that I can’t seem to avoid that makes me think I’m a jerk; I’m lazy, I’m prideful, irresponsible, childish, egotistical… But, I suppose if I am all of these things, at least I am surprisingly honest.
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I think you have described what all of us do perfectly. The rest of us are too scared to admit it. The first step in moving forward and changing oneself is admitting the wrong. I comend your courage!
ReplyDeleteShara