Women: Inexplicable (to men)

I don’t understand women. Big surprise right?
Example of how complicated a simple thing about dating can get: I know a girl that prefers guys to ask her out via text. Another girl wont even go out with a guy if he asks her via text. As guys… how are we supposed to know one way or the other if we aren’t told?
Here is a perplexing story (for guys). Some girls the other day were talking about how ABSERD this one fellow in particular was. I either didn’t understand the situation fully or I completely don’t understand girls at all. One girl told a story about him and every other girl was like, “Ooooooh what a douchebag.” I was sitting and listening to them thinking… wait, that sounds completely normal to me. Am I a douchebag? Oh of course not… THEY just didn’t understand, right?
The problem I have with what they were thinking was that it would be completely normal for one fellow to act one way but completely odd for another fellow to act the exact same. It is contextual, so we can’t judge a situation based purely on our own experiences, we have to consider the other persons perspective. Easier said than done, I know.
Example: I realize that it is conventional for a man to open a door for women. I accept and follow this act as best I can. There is a step further though that I don’t agree with. Some men will park a car and have the girl wait in the car as he walks around the car to open her door. This I do not do. If a girl is so helpless or expects me to do even the simplest of “tasks” for her (if you can even call it a task), then I am not for her. BUT I don’t condemn men who do that (I just feel sorry for them). Sure it's respectful MAYBE, but it seems belittling to me. Some women seem to be all about equality when it gets them something – which makes sense, but not all about it when it means them doing more work… which also makes sense, but I just wanted to point it out. I am the way I am (in regards to opening doors) because of how I was raised I suppose and the other guys are how they are because of how they were raised – showing a certain level of “respect” to women. Now I would say one way is probably better than the other (possibly not my way, yes) but I wouldn’t say that we should dismiss someone just because they are one way or the other. Just because the guy is raised one way, doesn’t make him a “douchebag”.
On the flip side though, I should realize that it's fair that if a girl expects a guy to open every single door for them and he doesn’t… that she wouldn’t want to date him. Because I’m pretty sure if a girl sat in the car and waited for me to open her door… I would want to get back into the car and drive her straight home and gladly open my car door for her there. Good thing I own a motorcycle :)
Back to my point and making others look bad instead of me though…
After the girls went on about this guy, they decided to start talking about another guy that I actually knew. You know how people are always saying girls like guys who are dicks? I’ve known this was true for some time, but never realized to what magnitude. This guy is most likely the biggest dick I know. They were going off about how they love this second kid because he was funny and honest. I’m sure he is both funny and honest. Actually I definitely know he is funny, he is hilarious. But it’s ALWAYS at the expense of someone else (women in particular). And you know what their explanation was for that? Oh well that’s just the way he is, at least he is honest. Are you kidding me? That’s not justification, that’s fuel to the flame. I’d rather he was lying about all the things he says about people. At least that way he was a decent guy but a liar. This way he is an awful person and flaunts it. I admit that I am often thinking negative things about people, but I feel pretty comfortable in comparison to this fellow.
I just don’t understand women.

A Statue Made of Stone

(A short story)
An exploding sound filled the air from behind me.
“Try and ease the screen door shut next time Adam,” I said.
Adam and I walked across of the yard, the dirt road and over the old wood fence that had slowly been chipped away by various horses’ teeth. I could tell about how many times that fence had been rebuilt by how many different types of wood that had been used.
“When my family had horses, this is where we would keep them when we came up to my cabin,” I told him.
He replied with, “This place is so tight. It’s really pretty.”
Guys our age wouldn’t normally talk about scenery being “pretty”, but this place was an exception. The mountains surrounded us on all sides with snow patches scattered on them. In the early summer, our pasture would become overwhelmed with yellow Dandy Lions. The flower that when I was younger, I would rub on someone’s skin and then laugh and tell them they looked like they had pee on them. Throughout the summer though, the Dandy Lions make way for thick green weeds. The weeds actually end up looking quite nice in a way. The pasture becomes a zoo-type garden for hundreds of types of weeds. I picked up a rock and was stunned by how cold it felt. I tossed it up to eye level and it appeared as though time stopped for a moment in order to let my rock spin in front of me as I watched. Then time resumed again and it fell back into my warm palm. I looked around in search of an object to throw my rock at. In the pasture there were about seven concrete posts spaced equally apart in a line that look as though they were once part of a fence. I pulled my arm back and threw the rock at the furthest post. The rock went past the post and about six feet too far to the right.
“Ha, close,” mocked Adam. He stopped and bent down to pick up a similar rock. He got into a pitcher’s stance. Looked at me and quickly nodded as if I’d gestured for him to actually hit the post. He threw the rock fast but it hit the ground a few feet to the left past the post. We both laughed a bit as we started to pick up various rocks and throw them at the post as we drew closer to it. We kept throwing rocks until we got close enough to just toss rocks to hit the post.
I found a large boulder, which looked almost too heavy to pick up. I tugged at the edging of the rock on one side with both hands. It finally gave in after a few grunts and tugs. The rock grinded against the smaller rocks and dirt beneath to give me slight chills from my arms to the back of my skull. I heaved the monster rock on top of the concrete post. He saw what I was doing so he picked up another rock about the same size.
“Let’s see how high we can get them,” he said after putting his on top of mine.
It was settled. We wanted to make the highest rock build-up this post would ever see. Not that anyone had ever done this before or would ever again that we knew of, but that was irrelevant. After we had each piled two rocks on, we realized we needed each others help to pile on the following rocks because of how high we would be lifting above our heads. The rocks were getting smaller and smaller with each new addition but the height of the creation would be too tall by the time we would be using pebbles. Once realizing this, the rocks that we added on dramatically reduced in size. Originally I’d imagined our creation looking like a Christmas tree with a trunk as long as it’s top half. It didn’t. Our statue was uneven in regards to rock size and the fifth rock from the bottom leaned far to the right. We compensated this by the seventh and eight rocks too far to the left. We then started tossing on pebbles randomly as if adding sprinkles to an ice cream cone.
Finally Adam said, “There, I don’t think we can add anymore.”
“Dude, we could put a few more on.”
The tallest rock was almost as high as my wrist if I were to hold my arm strait up.
“It’s about ready to fall,” he pointed out.
“I thought we were going to see how tall we could get it,” I say furrowing my eyebrows.
“Lets see how long it’ll stay up.”
“Yeah, fine,” I say reluctantly after giving our beautiful work another long look.
We tossed a few more “sprinkles” on and headed back to the cabin.
The next day at breakfast Adam agreed to go on a hike to see one of my favorite places on earth – a meadow on top of a mountain near the cabin. I grabbed a fanny pack, stuffed it with two granola bars, two Fruit Roll-Ups and put two water bottles in the cup-holders. We walked on the dirt road until we crossed the cattle guard. We then went through a small opening in a barbed wire fence.
“Oh man…” Adam complained and stopped at the bottom of the hill.
“We’ll be like a tenth of the way once we reach the trees up there,” I explained and pointed to where the forest started a quarter mile up hill.
“Oh that’s comforting, I don’t know if I want to reach the trees.”
“Come on…” I moan as I start up the grassy area scattered with rocks and fallen trees. I don’t look back but can hear Adam’s footsteps right behind mine. I smile then say, “Last year some of my older cousins and I went up the face, it’s basically all rock so it was pretty cool.”
“You went up the slide thing”?
“More like went up the side of it.”
“It’s ridiculously steep.”
“I know,” I say while chuckling to myself remembering how scary it was.
We made it to the trees where the real trail started. We sat on the ground to rest. I pulled out the water bottles and tossed Adam his. It’s nice just to sit in the shade and relax after hiking for some time, but then you almost regret it when someone says, “Alright, we better get movin’.”
The hike to the meadow was uneventful except for when we crossed the creek. I walked across the creek on the few rocks that were sticking out of the water by only an inch. When Adam tried this, he slipped on one. He wasn’t hurt, but his shoes got soaked. He couldn’t help but laugh with me after giving up on walking on dry rocks and telling me to shut up several times.
There wasn’t much talking after a while because we were both quite tired. Two hours and two Fruit Roll-Ups later we reached the meadow.
“Hmm, the Bluebells aren’t as tall as they usually are…” I said as I started to walk towards the center of the meadow. We walked around the meadow for half an hour or so feeling the curved tops of the bluebells. The bells looked too heavy for the plants so the tops of the plants sag a little. The Bluebell flower reminds me of how I look when I bring in groceries. I try and grab every bag possible and for some reason, always forget to consider the doors I’ll have to open. What a tiring life it must be carrying all that weight and not being able to rest in between loads to and from the car. The flowers aren’t just one flat blue hue. They range from sky blue to an eggplant color.
I laid down on the plants using my hands for a pillow and sighed as I looked up at the blue sky. I tried to take a nap, but sleep never came. Finally after about fifteen minutes I gave up. I opened my eyes and said, “Hey, let’s go look off the top.” “I’m so relaxed though… Alright, let’s go.”
We only had to walk up hill two minutes in order to reach the cliff. As we got near the edge, we stopped to peer out at the valley below. We could see worker ants that I supposed were herds of cattle and sheep. I pointed out a number of lakes that I liked to fish in. I pointed out a couple of cabins that I knew who owned them.
“That one is my cabin,” I said pointing to the tiny white roof.
“It really is a slide,” He said as he eyed dirt that stretched as far as what seemed to be a football field in length.
I turned my attention to the slide, seeing that his had. “Yeah, I’ve always wanted to go down it kind of,” I said.
He scoffed, “Yeah, I’ve always wanted to bleed to death skidding down rocks and dirt too.”
“Alright,” I chuckle, “Let’s just go down the way I came up with my cousins then,” indicating a path just right of the slide.
“You came up from right there?” He asked skeptically.
“Yeah, it’s not as bad once you get down a bit further, it’s cool.”
He looked off the edge another minute or so at the peaks surrounding us, perhaps thinking he would take his last look at beauty. “You go first.”
I smiled and turned to the right. We started to make our way down the side of the mountain. Where we started, most of the ground was made of dirt with a few small rocks scattered about. As we descended though, the rocks became bigger and bigger and we were starting to see less and less dirt. It wasn’t uncommon for a step to carry one of us a yard or so further down then intended.
“Heads up!” Adam suddenly shouted.
I looked up to see rocks trickling down in a mini avalanche that died down by the time it reached me. “Watch it! I’m below you,” I shouted back. I heard little giggles from above. I shot him a look and he was suddenly concentrating on his steps. We traveled like that for another minute and then I stopped. I looked up at him. He stopped because he could see I wanted to say something.
“What?” He asked impatiently.
“I don’t know if this is the way my cousins and I came up.”
He just looked at me with no change in expression. So I started to repeat myself.
He cut me off, “Yeah, I heard you but you’re an idiot. Which way did you come up?” He seemed irritated rather than alarmed. “I think we came up further to the left, we came up on huge rocks instead of lots of football sized ones.”
“Well let’s go to the left then.”
Easier said then done. We would have to cross the slide Adam wanted to avoid. I considered going back up to the top, and back the normal way, but we had already gone down so far.
On the slide there was mainly dirt compacted with rock imbedded into it. Adam crossed the dirt path with a run mixed with hops as if he were walking on hot coals and then settled next to a baby tree that had somehow survived near the slide. I walked up to where the rocks became few and far between by the slide and prepared myself on a rock the size of my head. All of a sudden the ground rushed up. I got a new sensation in my stomach, instant emptiness – a black hole. Before I knew it, I had also been sucked into the center of the fifteen-foot wide slide. Struggling to stand or find a place to grip, I was sliding with my back towards the ground like a crab walk, but more rather a crab fall. My brain just wouldn’t accept what my body seemed to give into instantly – death. It’s hard to focus when you feel death is inevitable. At first I was just flailing around a bit without a plan. Finally my body started working right as I tried digging my fingernails into the concrete hard dirt and I could feel them struggle to cling to me. I regretted trying to catch a hold with my nails the moment it actually happened. I finally caught hold of a rock with my middle finger nail, but really the rock got a hold of my nail, because I kept sliding, but my nail was left behind. The pain of losing a nail was more then I could handle. The pain sucked up all the strength in my left arm and I fell to my side trying to catch myself with three remaining limbs. The further I slid, the bigger the rocks became and bulged further out of the mountain. The speed I was going made the boulders seem like proximity mines, exploding on impact at the corner of my left shoulder blade. As a result, each impact slowed me down ever so slightly until my right arm caught a rock protruding particularly far out. I laid there for a moment coughing from the dirt and squinting at my right hand clinging to the rock, unsure of my next step. I was still at the center of the slide, my left arm was basically out of order and my right arm had become wobbly from fear and weakness.
“Hold on!” came a shout accompanied by echoes.
I’d forgotten for a moment that other people existed. I turned to see Adam rushing down the mountain on the left side of the slide about seventy feet above me. Devoting all my strength to my right arm still wouldn’t buy enough time for him to reach me. I pulled my shaky left hand to my face to observe my finger and regretted it instantly. Dirt had begun to mix with my blood to become just one clump. My finger seemed to weigh as much as the rest of my body. I skidded my feet back and forth feeling for a rock to further secure my hold. My left foot nicked something hard just barely within reach. I lowered myself onto the rock then exhaled deeply after realizing I’d been holding my breath while searching for a foothold. I reached for my waist and realized before I’d even grabbed at the holes where the water bottles should be, that they were gone. Sometime while sliding, the bottles had slipped away without me realizing. I couldn’t even wash off my finger. I leaned on my right hand and sat up. Adam was almost directly to my left. I started eying my surroundings looking for another path across the slide. I stood, leaning to accommodate the slope. I hopped to the first rock in my path, and then the second. The second rock was flimsy and made a grinding sound as it shifted under my weight.
“Abandon ship!” I shouted as I lunged forward in my panic to get across the slide. I landed on all fours as Adam grabbed me just above my left elbow. “Ow!” I winced and pull my left hand off the ground to my chest to comfort it as if it were a crying baby. “AHHH!” I screamed towards the slide and watched the rocks I’d used as stepping-stones tumble down. They rolled down the hill jumping up and down as if they were skipping like I should have been in the meadow.
“I’m done with this,” Adam said.
“Yeah,” I agreed as I laid down to rest for what I wanted to be the rest of my life.
After a few minutes we got up and headed further left around the face, running and hoping to the nearest tree until we no longer had to run and hop. The trees began to thicken and we found the trail easy enough.
As we walked on the calm trail I said, “This isn’t the way we came either. I must have gone up much further to the right.” Adam just grunted, “Huh.”
Not much was said as we trudged down the trail, my right arm uncontrolled and bouncing to the rhythm of my steps. My left arm was restricted of movement because I had wrapped my brown finger in the bottom of my shirt. We reached the dirt road and looked back up into the face of death.
Adam started to laugh. “You were all, ‘ABANDON SHIP!’” He mocked with a smile.
I smiled but couldn’t get myself to laugh yet. We started our way back to the cabin. We finally got in view of the horse pasture, which reminded me of our statue so I turned toward the field.
“Dude, they’re still up there,” I said matter-of-factly referring to the rocks.
“Let’s make it taller then,” he said with a smile.
Finally a laugh escaped me. I started running towards the fence with Adam right at my heels. I tugged my finger out of my shirt to climb the fence at full speed. We started to eye our stone statue.
I asked, “How many more rocks do you think we can get up there?”
“Lets find out,” he said as he picked up a rock to observe it’s stacking capabilities.
I picked up a rock that fit nicely in my palm and tossed it up to eye level just to watch time stop.

THE END